||MeMoRiEs ThAt WiLL laSt FoReVeR||

stand up with you forever

2009-09-30T17:44:00.002+08:00

okay. it has been a gazillion years that im here in blogger. soooo, I HAVE MOVED here!

its easier to post pictures there. and the mode is much much simpler. its idiot proof! haa.

this blog will be kept as it is because it has too many memorise for me to delete.

soooo, BYE blogger. HELLO tumblr!

kerna aku tak seperti dulu.

2009-09-13T00:43:00.006+08:00

this is soo basi alrdy. but i think im liking it. the lyrics is like woah! i just realised it la thats why.

****

i am starting to believe in the power of attraction. while i was at the ggc, one of the senior sister said "if you have the thing that you want in a person, pictured vividly in your mind and you keep on picturing it, sooner or later, you'll attract these sort of people who hav the things that you want."

i did an experiment. i had a few things in mind that i want. and it did happen, although some might take abit of time. it was either i bump into the person somewhere or we somehow communicated through some modes to settle some things. coincidence? i doubt it much. i think its the power of attraction; a powerful thing indeed.

~~tonight, im going to bed thinking and missing you!~~

on another note, time changes people. time changes things. time changes relationships. time changes the way you look at things. time changes the way you treat others. time changes humans.

on another another note, ramadan is leaving and i MUST stop thinking of world-ly things. stop liyana stopppppp!

to never let it be

2009-09-11T01:09:00.002+08:00

ramadan has been great. although it can always be better.
i will devote my last 10 days in trying to be sin-free [hahahah]
im giving the qiyam session tonight with the girls a miss because i need to be in sch to settle some things tml. but yet, im wide awake here!

i have quite a few things to update on but macam mls nk type. so another day la ehk.
my last weekend before raye is fully packed already. yet i still have to squeeze in time to bake!

yani's cming home next week! that should sound exciting enough. so at least we can go jalan raye one of the days that nurul is not working and i end sch early. 3 houses is not that tough anw. so dear yani, pick your date!

okay daa, im missing some people!

l i y a n a*

idiotic brother

2009-09-03T19:34:00.003+08:00

this is something very small. but i am sooo pissed.

i kept the marks and spencer chocolate biscuit that i got frm my kid in the fridge. and this stupid brother of mine called me yest asking if he can have the toblerone. so i said yes, i put that on the shelf so anyone who wants it can have it la kan.

but this one, i purposely kept it! so that i can share it when we iftar together. and today, its is gone!
this stupid brother took it and finish up ALL! not even a single piece left. NOTHING IS LEFT!

i am pissed. pissed. pissed.

is ramadan a survival or revival?

2009-08-30T21:22:00.002+08:00

i had a superly duperly great weekend. being in the company of only girls is bliss. i miss being ard ONLY girls. and GIRLS GO CAMPING rocks!

initially it was scary coz i dont know what to expect and stuff. but once we [anisah and i] were at saff cntr on day zero, the image of what to expect seem a little clearer. and there's alot of familiar faces! so i cld still feel at home.

have i mentioned before that dairy farm is a nice place! *nudge a nature freak; nurul huda* though it might be a little ulu to get in, but it is sure satisfying once you're in. it is probably the part of sg that you've nvr seen. the natural rock wall is woahhh nice.

if there is one thing that i would want to share is that no matter how fearful or scared you are of the unknown possibilities, if you have faith and leave things in Allah's hands, insyaAllah every will fall into place perfectly. it's so much easier to just go with the flow and let Him decide what is the best for you. it is more satisfying that way. :)

2 fulfilling weeks gone. one more weekend of camp, hopefully it'd be as satisfying or more than the ferst 2 weekends of mine.

on a totally unrealated to life of death note, i have no decided what i want to wear for the teachers day dinner tml. the theme is movie night. oh mannn, mcm susah gituuu. i am too tired to raid my wardrobe. haiyooooo.

anther random note, AUGUST IS ENDING!!! and september is coming. september is usually a good month for me. i rarely hav internal affairs with self. hopefully it stays that way.

l i y a n a*

mungkin kah

2009-08-28T18:09:00.003+08:00

liyana is off for a camp again this weekend!
im loving ramadans and camps. sungguh refreshing.
although the aftermath of body stress that i get will last for weeks, i am still loving it.
i will push myself coz this is good.
i know why im here.
i know why im doing this.
and i am loving it irregardless of how many times im repeating the same thing over and over.

i am picking up a new skill. or shall i say im venturing in into another scope other den dealing with papers. its smth exciting, i think.

so anyway, although august is a bad month, ramadan is a superb one. hee.

oh oh anw, a few days ago i heard of a tragic death. a family fren's son died in a motor accident. it was in the wee hours of the morning ar. andddd, its not 1 victim, its 2! the rider is the son and the passenger is the bestfriend. both of them pass away on the spot, innalillah.
what is tragic to me is that they are bestfriends! i dont want to imagine dying with my bestfriend. not that its a bad thing but the thought of it is super scary. super super super scary.

so anw, dear riders out there, ride safely! life is too precious to risk it.

l i y a n a*

now thats not the issue

2009-08-25T21:23:00.003+08:00

i have to keep reminding myself to finish up my work in school so that i do not need to do anything else at home.
because, besides marking, i usually get nothing done at home! the internet is too distracting. to switch off the LAN cable is not a good idea because then, i will not be able to get the online resources. but with it on, i get veryyyy distracted.

so liyana, you will complete all lesson plans, worksheets, whatever else that you need to do in school! if it takes you to be home at 6pm, so be it! get things doneeee!

its week 9 already. im getting a hang of things but maybe its a little too late. coz CAs are over. and boo, i HATE the aftermath! =(
but i will worry about this after tml.

tml is official obs! and it is sooo nerve wrecking! so scary. so seram. i HATE being in a light where i duno what to expect and what will happen. I HATE IT, ALOT!

this is my 1000th post! \m/ to whatever thats above.

k da, i got work to do and i am here! darn liyana! deadddd!

l i y a n a*

lets go!

2009-08-13T23:22:00.001+08:00

thursdays and fridays are my killer days!

god bless me.

this time i am

2009-08-12T22:47:00.002+08:00

i will not regret.
i will stop thinking of it if onlys.
i will psycho myself to not think of the should haves.

i still dont like AUGUST! it is always the worst month is my whole entire year! bleaghhhhh.

*****

while on my brother's motor today, i was reminded of the walk home from pasir ris weeks ago. *no link!* but in any case, the walk home made me feel so close to home. to a place/instituion where i grew, where i made frends whom i know will be where i need them to.

we walked passed my alma mater. obviously the rest couldnt get why i was feeling so nostalgic. i was reliving the moments being there. given a chance, i eill definitely choose that period of life to go back to.

i am looking forward for a reunion this september. how nadr? planned and settled?

10 more days before the holy month! k da, i need to sleep alrdy! bye world!

l i y a n a*

of reminders and upliftments

2009-08-10T19:23:00.002+08:00

liyana is not doing so fine.
she has alot of things on her plate, suddenly.
she turns sick overnight.

she needs prayers to keep her going.
so generous humans out there, pray for her well-being and peace of mind.
thankyouuu very huge!

***

i, liyana binte sajupri, will sleep early today so that i will be fit for school tml. i do not want to get an mc because it is already CA next week and i have not completed the syllabus with with boys.

so, i will finish up what i have to do for tonight and i will force myself to sleep thereafter.

l i y a n a*

of endless possibilities

2009-07-29T19:46:00.002+08:00

i have a thing for maths. every since my sec 4 years (i think). its smth interesting and always a way out. sometimes the problem is soo tough that you can seem to get the answer to it. but you still keep trying and trying out different methods and ways to get to the answer. and sometimes also, what it takes is to think simple. the method and the way to get the answer is simple.

well, that is about the same as life isnt it? you sometimes think of the most difficult way to get to the solution, when actually the solution is simple and pretty stright forward. moral for the day is: think simple.

one thing that i felt stupid doing was to do this activity template on A3. when actually i can do it on A4 and make the machine do the job for me. i wasted 1 hour doing it into A3! kentalan sungguh!

on another note, its coming into thursday! which means weekends are coming! wohooo!
time passes reallllyyy fast nowadays. it wasnt this bad when i was still in school. tsk. i dont have time to do alot of things. i dont have time to go witdraw money. i dont have time to go to the bank to settle some accounts thingy. i dont have time to go to NTUC to get some necc things.

~~maybe this is why some teachers are not married.~~

l i y a n a*

untuk selamanya

2009-07-27T22:49:00.002+08:00

last week, the class smell of shit, literally. i was trying to ignore it coz i think if i show my facial expression or smth, it is gonna be baddddd. so i made the boys sit on the floor so they can stay focus. (read: wrong move)

the boy who shit usually sits in front, but that day, the boys ard him we going "somebody popoot." and they start pointing fingers. automaitcally, ths shit boy sat at the back. still, the smell was fuyooo!

on that day, i brought them to the computer lab to go some maths assignment (read: wrong move again). before i let them in, i made them line up outside the lab. this shit boy still didnt want to admit. and one of the boys in his group wanted to prove that it was this boy who is causing the smell, so what is did was.... he smelt this guy's butt! yesh, he put his face on this guy's butt and shouted "IT IS HIM! CONFIRM! THE SMELL COMES FROM HERE! *pointing at the boy's butt*"

i wanted to laugh okay. but i have to keep my cool. i wanted to like avoid this guy. bau dier rabak giler nyer. but again, i have to be professional. hahaha.

in the staff room after school, i laughed to myself. luckily there was no one around. else, they wld think ive gone crazy. and upon reflection, i could have sent the boy to the office to get a change of shorts. although i think it is his underwear that has the shit, but still a change would have done justice.

and today, the boy is not in sch. it is on 3 days MC. i feel bad. maybe he was sooo affected by the boys that he became sick. ahahha. then again, it might be far fetch.

l i y a n a*

and many more to come

2009-07-19T17:25:00.005+08:00

that was how i spent my 21st. i wasnt expecting to see the girls on that day as it was a weekday. i thought it was gonna be only raudah la kan, as always. hahaha. when we were at seoul garden, i was soo full giler but she still wanted to eat. that was a lie! padehal dier da kenyang giler jugak.

but she wanted to waste time. but i think she cldnt think anymore excuses, we went to ghufran to asar instead. after asar, we went back to tm. she wanted to "find for sports wear". PADEHAL PADEHAL!

oh oh, otw back to tm, i think someone called her and she told me it was lutfi. maggau! bikin cerita convincing woiii! sampai lutfi smua terkeluar. after we checked out movie timings and there were no nice movies, raudah wanted to "check if pastamania allows reservations". PADEHAL PADEHAL!

the girls we outside pastamania with 2 "roses". maggau! malu alrdy la seyyy. pastamania was full of people and so was level 4 of tm. they made me wear that party hat. tuhan jer tau berape malu aku rase.

we spent the night talking and laughing abt the past and at how kental and naive we were. hahaha.

special thanks going out to those lovely girls who took time off to spend it with me. sayanggggg korang! <333

***

its gonna be the beginning of week 4. shall remain positive. its doing justice to me so far. =))

l i y a n a*

bagai di awan

2009-07-17T16:01:00.002+08:00

if there is one thing that i learnt this week, it will be that i have learn to lower down my expectations.
i realised that having high expectations is ~~bad~~ not good at times. it will not benefit me. it will leave me broken hearted. it will leave me unsatisfied.

lowering expectations doesnt mean that there is no quality in the work or sort, there is still quality but maybe not as good as what i expected it to be.

this shook me mid week. and today, at the end of the week [i somehow have only 5 days in the week coz the other 2 days are meant to relax and enjoy!], after my boys maths practical, i realised it even more. i expected them to know alot of things. but at the end of the day, i am saddened a little. but hey, it was all my fault. to have assumed and had a high expectation. but hey again, i am new to all this.

so this is my share that i have to go through. i am liking it, i would say.
it is true what they say, there will be light at the end of a dark tunnel.

will blog about my bdae surprise when im a little free [obviously not this weekend].
thankyouuu for all the wishes and prayers. =D

okayy, back to markingggggg!

l i y a n a*

the beginner's luck

2009-07-10T16:54:00.002+08:00

i have never been in school till this late unless i have remedials or CCAs. and of all days, it is a FRIDAY!!!! i want to go homeeeeeeee.

not that theres anyone saying no to that. but i have tonnes of things to do. and i am not in the right state of mind. that is why progress is slow and minimal. boo!

Oh Allah, i am seeking for strength and a peace of mind to see me through this period of time. i am seeking for patience and guidance to bring me to the light. i dont know how to say the things inside of me, so its only You who'll be able to guide me along.
Oh Allah, to you we came from and to you we'll return.

l i y a n a*

things will fall into place.

2009-07-06T14:41:00.004+08:00

it was just all a fascade.

i am thanking god that nothing had ever happened. may Allah bless you.

now i am reminded of the last usrah that i attended where my sisters were saying "everything that happens, there is a hikmah" and the hikmah is something we dont get to see immediately.

so now, when the hikmah comes without me asking for it, i am thankful to Allah. i am rooted and brought back closer to home. =))

All that has been preordained shall come to pass.

l i y a n a*

now or it never shall be.

2009-07-05T19:53:00.003+08:00

during my o lvl days, i love staying at home. coz home was where i get alot of things done. i get to do alot more studying at home than when i am outside.

but now, when i am working, home seems to have alot of distractions. i am trying to do the things that i need to do. but 3 hours has passed and my work is at its minimum. i cant seem to focus. i think i need to get rid of this technology called wireless for me to focus. haa.

but seriously, im not happy with myself that i cant get alot of things done today. i need the o lvl mood and environment back again. i need to be more productive so that i can make full use of my time at home.

***

the other night, while chatting, someone reminded me that it is july alrdy! oh god! its soo fastttt. i was soo confident that its still june. mcm living in the world of my own. but oh mannn! half a year has passed alrdy.

how have i spent the ferst 6 months of the year?
how close / far am i from the goal that i set for myself at the beginning of the year?
what more can be done so that i can be sure that the time i have is fully utilised?

***

i was told that i am alwasy rushing for things and maybe i should stop it. and start taking things slow. but slow would mean i will lose out of some things, no?

irregardless of the crap i got at the end of last week, i am still coming back with a positive mindset. i am not gonna change just because she wants me to. i wouldnt do smth that would not benefit me.

so here are smiles to a better week ahead.

l i y a n a*

whats more impt than this?

2009-07-04T00:11:00.002+08:00

one week has officially passed. and with each passing day in the week, more challenges came my way. i started this week, or rather, i started this term telling myself that there are certain things that i have to start doing and there are certain things that i have to stop doing. or at least try to refrain from doing it as much as possible.

thursday was when the "tragedy" came. i obviously didnt see it coming. i started the week with a positive attitude although i didnt get alot of things done. but i think my attitude has made me pull through the task. i wanted to end my week 1 with a high note. but on thursday, i was pulled right down.

actually by wednesday i was kinda a little not stable alrdy. but i was still able to control it and told myself to hold on till the weekend. so when the thursday thingy happened, my wall of defence crumbled. i couldnt hold on to the promise i made to myself at the start of the term.

i am pretty much disspointed over alot of things. it might just be something pathetically small and unimportant but yet im very much affected and sadden by it.

during usrah on thursday, i was reflecting. coz it so happen that the topic of discussion hit me right there. it hit me right at the correct spot. i wasnt sure what those tears were for. but i strongly believe that are those of sheer dissapointment, regret and being lost. however so, there are some very useful pointers that i get from there.

ustazah shared that we are encouraged to solat 2 rakaat [except pada waktu haram] whenever we feel sad, has a high level of anxiety, feels lost or just not at peace. and for sure, i will try to work on this. and i am confident that it will work, insyaAllah.

for now, i think i have alottt of things to do. but i do not know how to go about doing it. that is why it is difficult and the process is slow. this is why i hate doing things that i am not good at, coz it is time consuming. boo!

liyana is in need of peace and calmity in her heart. she will still searching.

l i y a n a*

things will get better, insyaAllah

2009-06-28T13:42:00.003+08:00

last night, or rather, in the wee hours of today, i realised that i duno how to react to alot of things.

and i tend to treat a person nicer when i know that everything is mutual.

anw anw anw, i think being prank over the phone is worst than stalking. you can report when you are being stalked and the person has to stay a distance away from you. but in phone prank, you can even see the person. so to me, that is worst. and i swear, if i were to find out who did those things last night, i am gonna kill him/her/them!

on a lighter note, my adventure begins tml. pray for me!

l i y a n a*

my sister's keeper by jodi picoult

2009-06-26T17:30:00.002+08:00

i cried reading the book. and i am soooo gonna catch it. cant wait cant wait!

l i y a n a*

will take things on a positive note

2009-06-22T20:09:00.007+08:00

picture overloaded post. holidays have been superb. 2 more days left before im heading into things again. this time, i'll head in with a positive note. and hopefully, it'll see me through the rest of the year.

i've got things ironed out with myself. and i now hav a clear view of what i want. though i might not know how i will get there, i will find a way to get there. there's always alternatives and way outs. so this is where it begins!

graduation photoshoot with fellow fityan sisters and brothers who graduates as well.

BILL

KL trip with the bestfren

thats all for now. im off to seremban tml with the family. holiday sakan sakan sakan!

p.s. i will need constant reminder to remain positive!

l i y a n a*

hey ho

2009-06-09T21:29:00.002+08:00

i am veryy irritated. veryyy.

but i shall leave that behind. and tell you that im having a holiday sakan this june holidayssss!

bill was the ferst of my "holiday". ahhaha. holiday to ubin okay.

next will be the trip to kl wit the bestfren. yesh, its just the 2 of us. how romantic can it get. haahah. i will be okay just as long as she doesnt worry too much! coz i am veryy much affected by the people i am with. so little miss, dont worry and think too much. its all set and lets just have some adventure.

there after, i'll only have sunday free. coz come monday, im going sunway with my family! yeayyy water theme parks! i loikeeee.

once i come back, it's faci training. then its xplore alrdy. then its the last wk of holiday which is acerli not a holiday alrdy coz i will be in sch on certain days. then its sch alrdy!

hopefully the trips out of the country will recharge me to at least survive till ramadan. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO RAMADAN!

okay, this post is exactly how my brain is; all over the place.
goodbye world. pray for our safety okay! =))

l i y a n a*

fragile glass pieces

2009-06-02T17:58:00.003+08:00

i understand that not everyone will understand my principles. and i dont expect them to either. but the very least is to respect the person's principles and not criticise them. coz diff people believes in diff things.

i might not understand what you believe in and such as well. so im gonna huznuzon and think that you do not knw that whatever you are doing is wrong. you can claim that its a small sin. well, small sin or big sin, its still sin.

oh wells, im not all that good to be saying all of this. so heres to you, ive lost all hopes to make things better alrdy. coz yesh, i am the traditional girls who still believes in shame and pride. so no, i wont be making ferst moves in communicating and making things the way it was.

***

on a brighter note, i have decided to press the pause button to all the things that i love doing. i have to learn to get use to the things that is compulsory for me to do. and to prioritse these things. and until i can prove to myself that i can manage these compulsory things, i would not allow myself to get back to doing the things that i love to do.

i will use the time to set things in place. clear my goals and direction. knowing why i dont certain things. and most importantly, setting my intentions right.

l i y a n a*

kaulah bintang hati

2009-05-19T21:20:00.002+08:00

my mom never fail to amaze me. all the 3 of us are different. yet, my mother knows us all in and out. my brother had his driving test today ard 4plus. but till now he is not back yet. so my mom said "ni dier tk pass ar ni. kalau dier pass mesti dier balek teros"

i nvr realised that. my mom's remark is true when i tot abt it again. if my brother pass, confirm dier da sibok2 kecoh2 balek untuk bikin plans with my mom. and my mom's instinct was confirmed when i smsed him.

so today, i learnt one thing abt my brother. if he is happy or smth, dier akan balek and bikin kecoh2. and make plans on what he can do next.

~~if its me, i pass, i will go all ard the world and party ferst before coming home. if i fail, you see me back home straight after the test.~~

I LOVEE MAK!

l i y a n a*

for everything's gonna be alright

2009-05-18T17:31:00.003+08:00

i received a news that is so heartbreaking. it is heartbreaking probably because i was hoping. i was hoping to be able to get to where i want by this year. but my hopes are crushed once i was called in. i started my day on a high note after knowing that the superior is encouraging and would want me to try.

but this high note didnt last long. the 2nd superior just had to crush all hopes that i have. crushed and stepped on it all. no point for me debating. i am tired. tired of having to stand up to her. coz at the end of it, she will nvr let me win just because she is higher and more superior.

my dad says "if you're new, just follow the flow. take it all in if you want to be there long enough."
my dad learnt the hard way and struggled pretty much. as much as i want to disagree with him, i believe that he has that experince that he wouldnt want me to suffer the same fate as he did. he obviously wants me to be better and make better use of the chances and opportunity that comes. my dad is not the kind who will bow down to all that you ask him to do. he doesnt like to be bossed ard, that is why he is not working under people. and is also why he doesnt want me to do the same mistake. i am still young and still can change myself to suit things. i can just hope that my dad is right.

i am trying to comfort myself after today. i have to endure this 1 and half years more. my bestfriend said once "kalau kiter nk buat baek secare ikhlas, mmg we will get too many cabaran that will test us. if we are doing smth bad, it is just so easy and probably, the challenges are lesser."

so since i know this is good and this is beneficial, i hav to go thru what seems like hell before i get to the juicy fruits part.
all im left to do is just pray to be given the best in this life and hereafter.

***

someone commented that i have changed and not be like what i was. well, i didnt stand in defence coz i realised that is no need to. i dont need to let ppl know that i think otherwise coz each individual's mindset will be different.

but upon reflection, i saw the need to make that change. a change is needed for one to suit and fit into the environment that she is in. and for my case, that is probably why. i had to change abit to fit into the working environment. there are certain expectations that i have to meet daily.

so indirectly, that will form part of my habit. and from habit, it turns into character. so yesh, humans are not fixed creatures. humans are forever changing to fit in.

the next time someone says that youve changed, tell them that nothing stays the same. =))

l i y a n a*

for a peace of mind and heart

2009-05-15T13:05:00.002+08:00

i think i hav said this quite a few times, that i dislike the stage of life i am in; at the crossroad.
from here on, one wrong move i made or one wrong decision, can jeapordize my whole future. its THAT bad.

i dislike the feeling of everything has to be tip top and perfect. i dislike the feeling of insecurity. i dislike the feeling of not knowing whats next. i dislike the feeling of uncertainty. i dislike the post-teenage life!

oh Allah, make easy the difficulities that im facing. make me at peace with certainties and security. provide me with the perserverence to see through this difficult times. i believe that these are tests that You set for me to make me a better person. so plz oh Allah, ease my way and lighten my burden for You are capable of anything at all.

l i y a n a*

get it my way

2009-05-15T01:26:00.001+08:00

this is the reason why i dont bother entertaining BOYS. they are just as irritating and immature as they can be.

l i y a n a*

trying to understand

2009-05-12T21:25:00.002+08:00

my pay is in! yessa! my attempt to go shopping with raudah today brought us nowhere out of tampines! hahaha. boo! i think im not a planning to shop person. i will just grab things that i see without planning to get it.

and i am so thankful that my mom is my financial planner. she a superb one, i tell you! but a strict one ar. this is a perfect time for me to practice self-control and responsibility! wahduh. this is probably tougher than walking without swaying your arms.

on a different different different note, if this is Allah's way in testing the strenght and basis of our friendship, so be it. i will pick it up and resolve it to the best of my ability, insyaAllah.

for all the times we shared together.

l i y a n a*

for time is precious

2009-05-07T20:15:00.002+08:00

i have no more time to entertain people who wants to merajok here, merajok there, merajok everywhere.

i have no more time for sensitivity. as you grow older, you should be more open and have a higher level of tolerance, no?

ohh, maybe youre just born that way i guess. thats just too bad then.

its okay. we just dont click anymore. bye!

l i y a n a*

masked front liners

2009-05-05T20:52:00.002+08:00

things can happen and change soooo fast. in a blink of an eye. like the shooting star across the dark sky. like the riso photocopy machine!

it was a fast change from having public coin phone all ard to now, only having a few at stretegic places. a fast change from pagers to handphones [though i didnt get a pagers before]. a fast change from strangers to friends to lovers and back to strangers again.

things are happening wayyy too fast. i do not want to grow up! i want to be carefree forever. i wanan get paid for the things i like doing, just so i do not have to WORK. if its smth i love doing, den it is not called work right? its calling hooby but youre paid for it.

no, dont get me wrong. i love teaching. but i realised when i am all out teaching, there is only so much that i can do outside of school and teaching. i have lesser time to chill out [wah! paling penting]. my time is dedicated to planning lessons to ensure that the kids understand them.

today, i had trouble waking up and my mom said this while trying to shake me till i get up, "ni amanah. kalau agak2 tk bleh tahan, berhenti jer."
that set me thinking [while closing my eyes and in the state of being awake and sleeping], if this is what i want to do for the rest of my life, den i have to make sacrifices. and sleep is definitely the BIG sacrifice!

as you get out of teenage years, sleeping is a luxury. boo!

k, this is going nowhere acerli. i just didnt really hv a good day, and i jsut feel like typing. hence, the nonsense above!

l i y a n a*

the call for help

2009-05-03T22:50:00.001+08:00

for everything that happen, happens for a reason.

l i y a n a*

the little spoiler

2009-05-03T21:44:00.003+08:00

at times, i feel like i want to be in camps forever. its like youre away frm the world when you are in camp. everything just seems to be arranged, in order and organised. and all you have to do is just to follow. and the feeling of camp is just nice.

in reality, i have to think of what i want to do and what i NEED to do. and often a time, i overlap them. when you AGE, your mind is also taken up with alot of things such that at times i miss out on certain things. time then becomes my real enermy. im always fighting with time. but i have no won a single battle as it is of now. but i will continue to fight this battle and make sure that i am the manager of the 24hours that im given.

***

on a lighter note, my mom is back. alhamdulillah. she's down with flu but thats probably due to the difference in weather.

apparently my mom and nyai were allowed to carry in the camera. and so they did and took it to their advantage.

according to my mom, the crowd was the same as the time she went haji. yesh! that alot of people. coz it was the arab sch holidays and teh students there are over in makkah.

and i love the idea of going umrah with the whole family 3 years from now, insyaAllah.

l i y a n a*

reminders that matters

2009-04-30T00:58:00.003+08:00

almost 2 weeks of having things trapped in me and not vomiting it out is taking a toll on me, big time. it is super hard suddenly missing the hug you run home to, the ear that is sensitive to emotions even without having to verbalise it.

i was defeated today. i tried to contain all of it, but i suppose, i am not as strong as i think i am. although i am greatful that this turmoil will be over in a few days, insyaAllah, i still need a reason to believe in.

when i was in the arms of my sisters whom i truly love, one whispered "innallaha maas sobirin". truly, that is something which i needed at that moment of time. to be given the patience to see me through this last lap of a small challenge. these are my sisters. these are people whom i love because of Him.

2 more days!

***

today ended with me thinking of whether this is really for me. whether this is what i really want. whethere i am really cut to be here. whether i am fit to be here. whether i deserve it.

but now, i realise that, whatever people think about you doesnt really matter. coz what matters is that i know who i am and who i want to be. those impressions and whatever than people think of me, based on judgement or an action is do, doesnt really matter. coz for all we know, they might be judging you based on something which you had no control at all.

so maybe, if i stop focusing on all the whethers, and start to think critically of what i want to be and how i can get there, it will finally get me there in the end. because if there is one thing that i take back from ITQAN is that, once you imagine it or visualise it, it might happen in reality.

smth that the trainer at NIE said "nothing happens only once. once in the mind and one is reality" so here, if i start to think and imgaine things that i want to make happen, i will achieve it one fine day, insyaAllah.

l i y a n a*

is this really for me?

2009-04-27T22:53:00.002+08:00

there is something missing. but i cant seem to find what it is. its just . . . MISSING!

back frm a spiritual upliftment to the dreadful reality.

l i y a n a*

for the day and night

2009-04-23T20:51:00.002+08:00

i miss mak alot. i hav to do ALL the chores at home. and i swear it is super tiring that you have to do household chores after a day at work. penat penat penat.

on tue, when i was still in sch having CCAs, my mom called me on my ho thrice. yesh, THREE times! it feels like she was at home and i am in school. she made calls like as if she is in geylang or smth ehk. but hearing her voice when i was having a bleagh time is just awww.

and yesterday, when i needed her and i didnt know what to do, she called me again. mother's instinct i think. so a phonecall was enough for me to complain and whine and tell her how bad things are. and today, i am on mc again. i dont get sick often, but when i do, it takes a longgg time to get well. and that is why i keep on having to get mc withing these weeks.

***

im suppose to start on a new maths topic with the boys today. i feel super bad that i am on mc and that i had to let og of 2 precious periods. i have only 2 more weeks to complete the SA1 tested topics. and that means i have to squeeze in 2 units in 2 weeks.

Ya Allah, provide me with the strength and preserverence to hang in here. and to always remember why i am doing this. for only it is to You that i ask from. Ya Allah, grant me with the patience to pull through this phase of life. Ya Allah, it is only You who will be able to help me through all these. its only You who knows whats best. and Ya Allah, protect me from all sins.

l i y a n a*

yet again

2009-04-21T22:26:00.002+08:00

I . CANT . STOP . READING . THEM .

hates being in this state. shattered. broken into pieces.

l i y a n a*

for some who learn the hard way

2009-04-20T17:38:00.003+08:00

i didnt have a nice day in sch today. the boys are ______ [i cant seem to find the right word to fill the blank]. i am still learning and still wanting to know more. but hmm, i guess the system is such that you have to know it all by yourself. for goodness sake liyana, this is the working world! you cant expect ppl to still be spoonfeeding you!

but i swear this is a tough phase of life. i hate being an adult as it is alrdy. hate it alot! yesh, HATE! as an adult, it seems like you cannot make mistakes. and mistakes are just not acceptable. you have to alrdy know alot of things. in teenage life, you get away with alot of things bcoz ppl say "oh, she is still learning." in the working world, no more such thing. mistakes suddenly becomes a weakness. but tell me, which human is free from mistakes? isnt life a learning journey? and part of learning is to make mistakes, no?

today, i feel like running home to get a hug from my mom, like i always do on bad days. but when i got home, i was reminded that she is off for umrah. and there is no one at home. no one at all!

this whole thing is making me think if i really deserve this. and if this is what i really want to do for the rest of my life. if im even fit to be here.

l i y a n a*

through sickness and through health

2009-04-18T01:05:00.002+08:00

if it is not your rezeki, you wouldnt get it. it just wouldnt get in your way no matter how hard you chase or run after it. rezeki and your share will come when you least expect. alhamdulillah for this. though there might be better deals out there, its just not my share.

alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

i got myself a new laptop. i wanted to get one during the IT fair but decided not to and thought that my laptop that is 5 years old could still survive till at least mid june. but it failed me! i need a laptop to do work and all. i have been depending on my brother's laptop since he is not using it. but once he starts sch next week, i wouldnt get so much luxury of using it.

i wanted to get it after my mother gets back from umrah. but it seems that it cannot wait as i have work piling up alrdy! so there, i went to get it with my mom junnow. she somehow knew that if i want to buy these things, i MUST have her around. i wouldnt buy it when she not ard. i have no idea why also.

but its a good thing i suppose. so since i got myself a laptop, i burst my bank account! half of my ferst pay is gone. and i have to survive on what is left for the rest of the month! *says a prayer*

but oh wells, its a NEED. that is why it was urgent. so at the very least, i get smth to use for the next few years [insyaAllah, i really hope so] and rmbr my ferst pay. mcm la aku work so hard sgt ehk. hahaha. but at least i know that i got smth useful for me to keep for my very ferst full-time permanent pay!

alhamdulillah. alhamdullilah. alhamdulillah.

i am darker due to sports day. the heat was madness. i didnt really hav to run ard but still it was veryyyy humid. panas giler. even the car's air-con after that wasnt strong enough. so if you see me in the streets, dont ask why im darker! penat aku jwb. ahahaha.

~~you look adorable with sunburn!~~

my mom is going umrah tml for 2 weeks. that would mean that i have to do house chores full force. confirm penat giler. and my weekend is burnt due to camp. i have to cook! yesh, my oh-so-loving-and-helful nk mampos brothers acerli gave me a menu. wahh, piikir aku jadi chef per! but acerli it kinda help me la kan. so i dont have to crack my brain on what i have to cook. hahaha.

i dont think i will hav problems cooking. but i think i will have a BIG problem washing clothes. tk suker seyy! but oh wells, i shall do up a roaster. so its fair for all! go me!

on a more serious note, pray for my mom yar. that she has a safe journey to and fro. and that she'll get to do her ibadah as best as possible. amin.

l i y a n a*

berpisah hanya seketika

2009-04-13T15:58:00.002+08:00

one month plus of planning. 3 days of execution. and new bonds made.

working out of the comfort zone is definitely different and more challenging. it is my so called first time working with people out of fityan. a whole brand new experience. fresh new faces. though the jobscope might be the same, the style and people are different. that makes a whole lot of difference.

i started of wanting to know how it feels like to work out of the comfort zone and to learn more from the more experienced. but at the end of the whole journey, i got more than what i went in for.

i started of knowing barely 5 people in the comm. but by the end of the journey, i knew wayyy more than that. although i was in a dept which i am used to, the working style is diff. and i am not a person who adapts well to differences. but alahmdulillah, with guidance and doa, things were made easier for me. picked up a few new skills which i dont think i would be able to get from anywhere else.

i didnt know what to expect on the participants side coz i wasnt from a madrasah background. but these kids amazed me. they are soo pure that every small gestrue that you do is smth big for them.

on the second night, i was in the nightcycling shirt. the back of the shirt has a simple smile and writes "hope this shirt makes you smile." if a normal kid frm a normal sch, they probably think its corny and nonsense. but these madrasah kid came up to me and said "kak, your shirt really made me smile."

that was how easy it was to touch them. i am very much humbled by them.

relite! 09 might have come to an end, but i definitely hope that the bond forge will last till eternity. i will miss having my sundays burnt due to meetings. i will miss the tonnes and tonnes of emails that floods my inbox every single day without fail. i will miss kak nisa's nissa march car ride!

Di sini kita pernah bertemu
Mencari warna seindah pelangi
Ketika kau menghulurkan tanganmu
Membawaku ke daerah yang baru

a journey of da'wah never ends.

l i y a n a*

there isnt much left

2009-04-07T20:50:00.002+08:00

Dear Allah.

***

the ferst week of april is gone. ive got 2 major assignments to complete within 3 weeks. and they arent easy! my precious weekends for the month of april is burnt into ashes already. not a good sign at all.

i need all the strength and wisdom that i need to finish up the scary assignments.

l i y a n a*

di dalam suka dan duka

2009-03-30T19:46:00.003+08:00

i am exhausted. very exhausted of the constant wait. of the silent treatment. of the i-duno-what-is-happening anymore. i hate being in a place where i have to guess what is going on. i hate being in a situation where i have to consistently ask what is going on. super duper exhausted. its like a total de javu. i tot it all ended 2 years ago and that i wont have to go through this anymore.

its just so tiring!

***

once one told me, you have to risk losing something to gain something more. but i think i took the wrong risk and i lost the thing which i thought was worth keeping. then, the situation just doesnt permit things to happen. but a little more patience would have worked things out, i think.

but oh wells, maybe things just aint meant to be the way i plan it to. so let it be. hopefully, better and more colourful things will come my way.

***

it sucks to be assuming and jumping to conclusions just by what you read. its more convenient that way, i know. but assuming will just lead you to a place called no where.

l i y a n a*

to let it be

2009-03-29T18:47:00.003+08:00

weekends have never been THIS precious. family gathering, budaks weekly lepak session, camp meetings and such!

and today, i was suppose to meet up with the counseling kids to go thru the things which i missed, but! i had to go hospital laa! what else if it isnt for my leg. kental giler. but the doc today quite cute ar. hahahaha! he has perfect TEETH! i loikeee.

but in any case, i cannot miss anymore sessions. bummer! besar nyer pemalas sey budak ni. hahhaha. *i find it redundant laa*

but oh, my mom made me write a pact to promise that i wont skip sessions anymore. kaus! da mcm how the sch boys do things. hahhaa. KARMA! KARMA! KARMA!

and so, that is probably how my ferst weekend as a teacher is. BUMMER!

relakan la ku pergi.

l i y a n a*

of reminders and consistency

2009-03-26T20:23:00.002+08:00

the excitement is building up. the pressure is increasing. given 5 min of it just now, i was thrilled and caught off guard. and i bet i will be much more tense and nervous with someone with experience observing me from the back of the class.

the boys are as noisy as ever. but they too, made me laugh. adorable. i am just pressurized that i wouldnt be able to do things the way that the boys are used to for the pass sem. i am still adapting and seeing how things go. insyaAllah, given time and guidance, i will learn.

oh Allah, guide me through this excitement and let me be reminded of why i am here and why i chose to do this over other things. hopefully, with constant reminders, i will strive to the fullest and although i might get tired, bored or distracted, these reminders will see me through, insyaAllah.

it will be said when the time comes

l i y a n a*

what you say you are

2009-03-24T22:06:00.003+08:00

my fren just passed away yesterday night. the cause of death is unknown. it's a police case and all. it is wayyy too shocking for me. but it got me thinking of death again. it has been quite some time since i thought abt it [usually in camps, you are given these sort of reminders that will create an impact on you for quite some time]. and yest when the news struck me, i was suddenly afraid. afraid of what lies ahead. with each passing day, i am definitely 1 day closer to the day i die.

and it can acerli strike at any particular moment. might even be after i get this posted. we'll nvr know. my dear friend passed away at a young age of 19. he has alot of things planned ahead of him. but this has been set and it will happen no matter what.

***

on a totally diff note, i am beginning to feel the pressure! and it is definitely not a nice feeling not knowing what to expect. boo! but insyaAllah, i have faith that things will go well tml. there are reasons that i have yet to see. so i can just accept it and adapt to it. for this is the best for me!

***

alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

l i y a n a*

tetap ku sayangi

2009-03-21T12:40:00.002+08:00

i just realised how much i miss my nyai! i used to have sleepovers at her place. i wanted to do it a few days ago. but again, i short change my plans. i should stop this!

frm nxt wk on, i wouldnt have the luxury of sleepover during weekdays. and weekends will become more precious than ever. and i miss nyai!

she is over at my place now coz she has some umrah class with my mom later on. but i still miss her! i miss nyai putting me to bed. yesh, she still did it although i was 20! i miss my nyai's hidden msges when she speaks, she very good at it. hahaha.

l i y a n a*

the darkness which you will nvr know

2009-03-21T00:12:00.002+08:00

today, 2 of my frens officially got the word frm their schools that they are graduating. alhamdulillah. and that is sure good news. and with this 2 added to the list, there's quite a number of my close frens graduating soon! i loikkeee! its nice knowing that we are in this together despite the difference in school and all.

the reasons which i have been looking for are streaming in bit by bit. alhamdulillah. keep it coming!

***

the popular fair was crazy. i was there for the member's pre-sale. pre-sale jer the queue is sooo long. it is practically around the whole of the hall! giler giler long. i hav always been a fan of cute things and today, i got them! sukerr. mas was being such a sweetheart. carried my things ard while i was being the indecisive person.

then off i went to meet fd. da lamer kay tk jumper dier clap clap hand nie! sukerrrr. although i had a tiring day, but it sure was a fruitful one. social meet ups and occasions are always fruitful for me. fddddd, laen kali bwk vespa. so we can get to more places faster!

***

someone once asked "majlis ilmu lagik penting ker social meet up lagik penting?" i picked social meet up coz that i get energy from these things. not that i don think majlis ilmu is impt. i think it is, alot. then most probably it depends on which i need more at that moment. and at those moments i need to distract my mind, social meet ups are definitely more impt than majlis ilmu.

i get tired veryyy easy when i am alone. so thats why i need to meet people. meet and do nothing also i dont care. thats the usual case for raudah anw. hahaha.

acerli, i lost the chain of things that i wanted to pen down. so nvmmm. toodles!

l i y a n a*

i will nvr trade this for anything else. <3

2009-03-18T20:46:00.002+08:00

the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. that's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

***

i was surprised with a box of my heavenly favourite chocolate when i woke up this ~~morning~~ noon. im not really a fan of surprises coz i duno how to react to them, but if its this sort of surprises, im welcoming it all the time. who can ever resist chocolates woii!

thankyou for the trip dwn frm a land very far away frm tamp. thankyouuuu! thankyou for the company in the late evening. thankyou for the treat, it felt like it was my birthday! kalau hari2 gini pon okay jgk ehk! hahaha.

thankyou for being you!

***

liyana is meeting her girlfriends tml after what seems like ages since we allll met! and i am loving it!

l i y a n a*

coz i let myself be

2009-03-17T22:32:00.002+08:00

the day out with nadhirah is lovee. she was trying her luck to get into an M18 movie. although she is turning 18 this year, they apparently follow the date. bummer! so to cover malu, we pretended not to know it was M18. kental nyer nadh. hahaa.

we caught coming soon instead. im not sure if the whole cinema was screaming or was it nadh screaming into my ears. HAHHAHA. but no, i am not pekak yet. it was a short meet-up to catch up. i loveee. i miss site and raz!

i have like movies after movies this past week. naek sedap woii. but i think that is all i have left. once i start full force, i probably wouldnt have THIS much time. so i will enjoy it while it last.

happiness really ended on the day i imagined it to be. how ironic.

l i y a n a*

let's face it together

2009-03-16T22:47:00.001+08:00

it will start tml.

goodbye to the blissful honeymoon period.

l i y a n a*

for it is something out of love

2009-03-13T16:04:00.002+08:00

i was pretty disappointed when i got posted into a non-neighbourhood sch. and i when i googled it, i found out it was a boys sch! i duno which is worst.

but moments ago, the phone conversation with raudah made me feel better. not because she did say things to make me feel better. but her situation made me feel better. okay wait, that made me sound jahat. but wadda heck! her class is super rabak that she has case files! and that is why she has to meet the prinicipal just now.

i doubt mine will have any sort of like that. maybe except gays?! (fahmi read: liyana is homophobic!) ahhaa. i am hoping i dont face such things la sey. i will die before i even start.

at the end of the day, i think there are reasons why things are this way. if i had gotten a neightbourhood sch and got a class like raudah, belom masok, i would have given up kot. sooo! alhamdulillah. all praises to Allah! He has superb plans for me, insyaAllah. i should stop worrying that the principal is not giving me any phone call yet!

l i y a n a *

for love and mardhatillah

2009-03-11T11:42:00.002+08:00

asking for sponsors can make you go bonkers. it is veryyy mentally exhausting, sumpah tak bedek! the mental exhaustion is 10 times worst than having to endure child birth! you get different people saying things in different ways and some cranky people. sungguh tak cool!

but i can do thisss!! i can raise the 3000++ that i need to. soo, kalau saper2 yg tau or sponsors atau nk sponsor untuk a camp, sila la blg ehkk! we'll be more than happy to fill you in!

l i y a n a*

if...

2009-03-11T00:51:00.001+08:00

maybe the happy ending in just moving on.

l i y a n a*

and it's decided

2009-03-09T22:33:00.002+08:00

"Perkataan yang baik dan pemberian maaf lebih baik daripada sedekah yang diiringi tindakan yang menyakiti. Allah Maha Kaya, Maha Penyantun"- Quran (2:263)

reminded me of muallaf. i love the movie alot. but i hate the ending. i hate shows that has hanging endings where you have to guess the ending. but i still loveeee the moviee.

l i y a n a*

of cats and dogs

2009-03-07T15:45:00.003+08:00

there's thunderstorm yet again. it has been the case eversince a week ago. its no more monsoon but its still raining like it is the monsoon season. it will just make one stop to think, humans can label the seasons for all they want but ultimately Allah decides the weather. it could be bright and sunny on a monsoon season for all He wants. and it could be raining like mad in the summer season for all He wants.

it'd just make you think again that no matter what you label the season to be or predict things to be, it will only happen with His graciousness. for without Him, nothing happens.

in KPR yest, we were talking about cloning and adats. for all we know, some of this adats doesnt make sense to what religion says. or worst, religion doesnt say anything about it. yet, we humans, pandai2 make things up and continue it for centuries. for again, knowledge is key. no one knows when they are gonna die. no one knows how the process of death takes place. but all we know is that we have to do good all the time, say good all the time.

***

Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi raji'un. takziah to kak wati and family. my distant aunt returned to the hands of god last night. she has been sick for quite sometime.

***

i had 3 nyais over my place last night. 1 paternal nyai. 2 maternal nyais. my mom's mom sis was sleeping over. thats why i had 3 nyais. wahh, kecohh! they came home at 3+am from kak wati's place. and madness. my parents fell asleep as soon as their heads came into contact with the bantal. i was on my laptop watching csi when they came home.

drg baru masok bilik, da kene lecture woiii. kenaper tk tdo da pukol 3. buat aper pat laptop mlm2. bsk pon bleh buat. and so on. my maternal nyai is the one staying with me and she is the quiet nyai. so she didnt say anything ar.

the other 2 nyai, bleh buat debate woii. they engaged me in some random topic to talk abt. i told them to sleep, but mati2 still wanna talk. layan kan jer la kann. and finally when my fav nyai [liyana bias ehk! haa] decide to turn in, the other nyai has to follow la kan.

and wahh, they were still talking on the bed la! lamer woii. when i woke my mom up at 4plus, my nyais were still awake. and i thought old people needs to sleep early. they were talking till subuh! in the end dua2 tak tdo. when i slept after subuh, they were queueing to mandi. and i bet they didnt sleep la.

when i woke up, there only the budak2 at home! haha. and nowww, it is raining so heavily that i feel lazy to go out already. hahaa. and if i go out, my youngest brother has to stay home alone. dek ni ader penakut skit, he will probably leave the whole house nyer lights on!

acerli, this is just me feeling like typing. haha. and i missed the whole point of what i wanted to blog acerli. nvm, will do that the next time this blogging instinct kick in.

P.S. i just need to hear one more nonsense to decide to privatise this blog again for eternity.

l i y a n a*

when the ends meet

2009-03-03T01:11:00.002+08:00

there is good and there is evil
right and wrong
heroes and villans
and if we are blessed with wisdom
and there are glimpse of each
where light streams through
we wait in silence for this times
when sense can be made
when meaningless existence comes into focus
and our purpose presents itself

and if we have the strength to be honest
then what we find there
staring back at us
is our reflection
bearing witness to the duality of life

that each one of us is capable
of the both the dark and the light
of good n evil
of either
of all

and destiny
while marching ever in our direction
can be re rotted by the choices we make
by the love we hold on to
and the promises we keep

-heroes season 3 episode 14

l i y a n a*

of annoyance and irritants

2009-02-27T17:57:00.001+08:00

there's something seriously not right in here.

l i y a n a*

when a hero comes along

2009-02-26T23:17:00.004+08:00

26th of feb 09 is a rollercoaster ride for me. i had a whole lot of emotion going on in me, seriously too many. i had a great laugh over food though to compensate for the bad beginning of the day.

these humans like laugh at me. one laughed so hard till he had stitches. the other one is the one who created the joke, and obviously the one with the contagious laughter! and i am banning myself from using the word "jommm!"

after the great laugh, i went for class. wah liao, in class i felt terrible. i think i am like the last in class or smth seyy. i am missing on alot of things! counseling skills is susah i tell you! so manyyy things and techniques. bleh mati woiii.

the circle was used to desensitize us. and wah liao, i was very anxious mannn. and i think i had like the worst comments or smth ar. it is constructive, yesh. it is for me to improve and rectify my wrong doing. but that will take time. coz the mistakes are just me in character man! hahah. but it is do-able! i can do ittt! i can i can i can!

dennn, when i reached home, i checked the sch email, gerak hati ar kann. and alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah! i am graduating on the 7th april, insyaAllah. THAT IS SUPERB BEBEH! i loikeeee.

l i y a n a*

there's it goes

2009-02-26T01:02:00.002+08:00

I CANT SLEEP! THIS IS NOT INSOMNIA, I SWEAR! it's just cannot sleep! i have 1001 things in my brain. i cannoottt sleeeepppp! its 2 nights already, and if it takes tot he 3rd night, i will die of exhaustion, sumpah!

i had someone to accompany me last night. but i feel guilty bugging him till late when he has paper the next day. so tonight, i disturb no one. no one at all. but i cant sleep! i cantttt sleeeep!

i am looking for summore insomnic people out there so we can create a community and talk all night longg!

i am dead tired but i canttt sleep! it is sooo irritatingggg!

l i y a n a*

without a day

2009-02-25T23:13:00.002+08:00

i have a whole list of things to do for the week.but i am not doing them because i dont feel like it. how great. i am in need of the boost of energy to come and surely, with God's grace, i will be able to complete all of them in one day. all i need is the motivation or push and it will do alot of wonders.

i might just end up doing things which i wouldnt do on normal days just to satisfy myself. nyahaha! tsk tsk.

l i y a n a*

with His graciousness

2009-02-22T15:29:00.014+08:00

it was suppose to be a celebration for 2 people, our feb honey. but Allah has better plans that those we had. zee wasnt able to join us due to family issues. so yeah, so it was all for nadia.

introducing the birthday girl... SITI NADIA!
the night before the celebration, we told her and zee to email a crazy thailand woman picture. we asked for one. but nadia, being the one who is always on the go for mad things, sent us F-I-V-E! little that she knows that those pictures are gonna be used on the sandwich board. nadia nadia.

jah and i fetched her from raffles hospital. and frm there, we made her walk towards our destination. initially we wanted her to go ard masjid sultan, haji lane, zam zam and all. but she was lucky that it was raining laa.

we had this game session which i would not elaborate coz its classified! haha. but anw, nad had to do a forfeit. she had to sing the song hit me baby one more time in malay. and wah liao, she rock at it! hahaa. i nvr know that baby in malay is babi. -_-

nadia's bdae cake is literally shaped like a monkey's head. it is smth out of the norm! the kedai cake was superb to have such creation. hahaha.

of the so many shots.

imitation poses; mad woman. lina. nadia. zee. liyana. a cartoon character. and if you observe, lina has a constant face. muker mad woman dier is a smiley face. ishk ishk. lina kalo jadi giler, she'd still be smiling kot. nyahhaha.

anihoos, i had a ball of great fun. it has been awhile since i had a great laugh. the day was seriously filled with endless laughter. it just wont stop.

we laughed so hard till we had stomach cramps and raudah had tears in her eyes like as if she is sobbing over the death of her cat. nyahhaah.

but it was all in the name of great fun. i have alot of videos to upload. and these videos made me laugh to myself last night!

the celebration gets funnier and more extreme with each passing birthday. next up will be jah's. jeng jeng jeng.

l i y a n a*

because tonight will be the night.

2009-02-21T02:16:00.003+08:00

Personality Colors Test Results: Extroverted
You Chose: TYPE 6

Extroverted Personality Style

Extroverted Personality Style (EPS) means that your preferred role is "life of the party." You actively seek out other people, and are at your best in social situations in which you can meet new people and bring other people together. People who know you are drawn to your genuine interest in other people. In that way, you are probably the ultimate "people person."

so benarr! rawrrr. hahaha. anw, got it from here.
hilmi mlm2 tk de keje so he asked me some personality thingy. hahha. but it all sounds the same after all. i am not suffering from multiple personality disorder! hahaha.

****

i met a new fren today, 2 new frens acerli. but anw, huili asked me n taufiq schling and all. *taufiq was in the picture coz i accompanied him to meet someone before meeting the rest of the humans*. oh anww, after we told huili where we're frm and how we got to know each other and all, she said to me "but you have the look of a teacher."

taufiq was clearly stunned! thx ar kwn! hmmft. in my heart i was like floating up to cloud nine. hahaha. first of such bebeh! "oh yar, im heading there after graduation," was all that i could say. awww. i love this huili alrdy. nyahahhaa.

she is the first of such! FIRST ONE IN MY ENTIRE LIFEE! she should like get an award or smth. the rest of the humans i told, they'll probably say "liyana teacher? sure not?" "are you capable?" "would you be able to handle kids?" you get the drift, its those along those lines. but hey humans! yesh, i am confident this is something i want to do the rest of my life; making a different in kids life.

~~some would already know that i dont really like playing with kids,~~ but i think there is a difference between playing with kids and educating them. cheyyy! *alah2 teacher's lecture woii*

but anw anw anw, tonight, in my unstable state of mind, i just had to clear my drawer. why tonight of all nights? why? why? why? i am certain Allah has His reasons for making my itchy hands to do so and i am also certain that He will see me through it.

liyana is afterall a strong woman bebeh!

a streak of jealousy lurks in this small heart.

l i y a n a*

back to zero

2009-02-18T12:23:00.002+08:00

i just feel like blogging. i got nothing in particular to blog about but i just feel like blogging. seriously nothing to write about, but i still want to blogggg.

although i've got some research things to do,i still feel like blogging. this doesnt always happen.it happens when i feel sad. but i am not sad. i will have the urge to blog when i am sad so that they whole world will know and provide me with the comfort. yes, that is how i handle it. but today, i am not sad. but i still feel like blogging.

orr! maybe i am a bit sad. but its not something in my concious brain. so how? nooo, i am not thattt sad. but i am abit sad that i cant follow my mother! noww, that is not a reason for me to have the urge to blogg.

maybe its school that makes me soo free that makes me want to blog. but then again, i am not that free, i have research to do what. so what is the thing that makes me want to blog. what is it? what? what? what?

***

i just committed myself in some camp in apr. liyana! you should stop it. but i got all the time in the world to spend. giving my committment to these will mean i will have lesser time to hangout. but like as if hanging out is the most impt thing like that.

okayy,i have just wasted 5 minutes of my life typing all of this. trying to satisfy my itchy fingers for the crave of blogging. but i am still not satisfied acerli. pathetic laa!

l i y a n a*

on top of the world, the whole wide world

2009-02-16T09:55:00.004+08:00

school's in baby! i draggged myself here. but oh wells, its 15 days and den it's done, insyaAllah.

but the good thing abt holiday modules is that the bus is emptyy. i get to sleep in peace seyy. gereekkk! hahaha.

***

"so is there anyone here who fits your criteria?" darn! i should have answered. but oh wells. things are better this way i suppose.

aww. you probably get this once a year. jaz was out-of-character for a moment. den coffee bean topped it off with him doing smth outrageous for the ferst tym in his entire life, probably.

after huda left for home, we filled in time hanging ard. taufiq's presence was missed!

friday night movieeee plzzz! =D

l i y a n a*

dates as reminders

2009-02-10T16:45:00.002+08:00

over the years, i have realised that i have grown wiser. seriously.

sudahku tinggalkan zaman jahil itu.

l i y a n a*

let it tick

2009-02-09T18:17:00.001+08:00

there are alot of ways to do a certain thing. and therefore, there is no right and wrong. the ways are just different. so respect that and accept the difference. embrace it if possible.

*****

i am affected by people who do not appreciate service. and people who doesnt know how to speak nicely and properly to people. there's this woman who called in just now asking about duno what class la. she was shouting and talking rudely. mad woman. and worst, when i told her that today there's no such class, she didnt wanna believe so she came down to see it for herself.

then she dare put words in my mouth! she said that i told her there's class at 3pm. hello woman, ge korek telinga kau yg pekak tuuu! marah2 la kan tu sebab telinga pon tk dengar.

but i learnt a way to cool people down. not something uncommon but just forgotten. she was mengamuk-ing all the way and stuff. den my boss asked to sit down. then after she left, he told me "that was wayyy better. if someone is angry and standing up, ask them to sit. if they are sitting down, ask them to lie down. if they are lying down, ask them to stand up and take wudhu'."

oh woahhh, something that i was taught before but nvr put it to practice and forgot about it.

l i y a n a*

of reflections and thoughts

2009-02-06T23:53:00.005+08:00

a few moments ago at macd, my botak fren asked "what did you do the past week?" i didnt knw why it was a lil tough for me to ans that. i had to think for a moment before answering "WORK!! !@#$%^&*()!!" my social life is being robbed away by this thing called work! and sumpah, i was super busyyyy la. my online time is cut to the very minimal. my dinner catchup sessions are even worst; barely to the minimum of all minimum! no, i am not grumbling about work. i like ~~the job~~ the people there. and that is probably the only reason why i keep on coming back.

and extroverted creature cannot live without socialising! that is an extroverted humans' weakest link. but no, im not dead yet. duhh! but i am not satisfied with life. i get veryy tired veryyy easily because this is not my natural being. thats why by mid week i was soo tired already. late for workkk! but that wasnt that bad.

whats worst is that, I FORGOT ABOUT MY COUNSELING CLASS! because i thought it was a wednesday! kental giler. i happily made my way to CGH den lina asked me if i had class. by that tym, there was no way i would have made it on time! or worst, if i were still to go for class, by the time i reach, they would have probably ended! tsk. now i need that license!

wahh, da jaoh nieee. anw anw anw, i need a life again! maybe that is why i got into a career that will make me meet with people and kids everyday! this is sooo exciting! veryyy excitingggg! march come quickly. no waittt! i have to go through 16 days of crap and nonsense and unplanned shit. but i am hoping that this unplanned thing will do justice to me.

for now, i need a PA! ahhaha. mcm grand sgt gitu ehk. a PA to remind me of my scheduless! ~~i used to have someone who would make me think of my day's plan and the week ahead so i wouldnt miss them.~~ i need an organiser!!

*****

anihoos, i am keeping you guys in my prayers. so keep me in yours! =))

*****

HAPPY 17TH AZIZAHHHHH!!

l i y a n a*

in search of the light at the end of the tunnel

2009-02-01T19:14:00.002+08:00

im in a total mess.

Dearest Allah, provide me with the strength and guidance to see me through this challenge. for my burden could only be ligthen with Your graciousness.

l i y a n a*

the confusing thing

2009-01-31T21:49:00.005+08:00

you know what?

i think that you think that it is alright because the crowd you are with thinks its alright. they are doing it because its just a norm. and that is probably why you think that way. and no, i am not blaming you for that. coz i was like that once upon a time.

peer influence can be THIS good, but it can also be THAT bad. the crowd that you hang ard with veryy much influences your thinking and actions. and that even if you have a certain principle that you want to adopt, it will be a little difficult for you.

so it is okay la tuu. i will just have to follow the flow and stand by the principle that i have set down for myself. it has be fine for me thus far, alhamdullilah. with the support of my dearest girls. <33

i forsee getting resistance and hatred from your friends, but i know if i stand rooted, it will be smooth flowing, insyaAllah.

l i y a n a*

you are as weird as you can get

2009-01-31T01:32:00.003+08:00

where were you when i needed that superb listening ear i once had?
where were you when i needed that abit of extra push?
where were you when i needed someone to assure me?
where were you when i needed to punch someone?
where were you when i needed to just talk talk talk talk talk?

you were...no where to be found. in loving memory of that day.

-----

dear liyana,

god is giving you smth that is within your scope. god is watching over you. god is testing you because He loves you. god has a superb plan for you ahead - a plan that is wayy better than yours.

so even though this happening is not something that you wish for and it irritates and dissapoints you to no end, you will see it through if god is willing. He is teaching you a lesson, a valuable life experience that will help you in the future, insyaAllah.

you can be pissed, sad, angered, overwhelmed, aggitated, annoyed for all you want now. but by doing so, you will not get the full reward of which is only given to those who are patient; innallaha ma'as sobirin. so what gain will you get? none. it'd be better if you learn to live with it and let it go. let it be just another hurdle in life. let it be a passing facade. move on and look to the brighter days ahead.

all you can and have to do is to pray to be given only the best hat life has to offer. pray to be given guidance. pray for strength to fight it till the end. pray that you'd be given the energy to last till the last battle. for doa itu senjata mukmin.

l i y a n a*

it will be fine with me

2009-01-29T23:10:00.001+08:00

oh wow. am i suppose to be impressed or what? *scarcastic look*

l i y a n a*

praying upon the littlest hope.

2009-01-28T18:16:00.001+08:00

got the following from fazilah thru facebook. she got it at some website la. though it is a very long article, it answers all sorts of questions from all angles. thankful for the article! ~~i knw you dont read my blog, but now im wishing that you do.~~

Q: Salam. I understand that dating is haram. But in a society that can be said, western-izing, it is difficult to get to know someone without having to go out with that person. The practice of arranged marriage can hardly be found. Also, some parents tend to be more 'open'. They allow their children to have boy-girl relationships provided the latter informs them about it and also introduce the so called potential partner in life, ceteris paribus. Boy and girl still get to embrace one another as though they're married. Personally I think this is worse than the children having relationships behind their back. I would like you to share your view on this matter as I'm currently growing up in a 'dating-active' society, rather than the traditional arranged by parents marriage. Is it okay then, to go out on dates with the intention of getting married to that particular person and seeking forgiveness from God after it? Thank you very much in advance for answering.

A: Salam.

Thank you for the honest question.

There are a number of issues that you brought up. First, you have pointed out that you live in a society where dating is the norm. While I understand and sympathize with that struggle, it is important to make clear that just because something is the norm in one's society, this does not justify participating in it.

In the society that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) lived, burying little girls alive was the norm. Of course, the principles of Islam prohibited such barbarism — regardless of what was widespread at the time.

In fact, the Prophet told us that those who follow the right path will always be 'different' or 'strange' in comparison to the mainstream.

In one beautiful hadith, the Prophet says: "Islam began as something strange, and will revert to being strange as it began. So give glad tidings to the strangers. Then the people asked, "Who are they (the strangers), O Messenger of Allah?" He answered, "Those who are pious and righteous when the people have become evil." (Ahmad)

Secondly, you state the concern of getting to know someone for marriage. You explain that dating is needed since arranged marriages are not feasible. However, by saying this, you imply that these are the only two routes to getting married. What you are forgetting is that there is a third option — the option taught to us by our beloved Prophet.

Let us examine each of the three options for meeting a marriage partner.

- Dating -

One option is dating. This option is prohibited for a number of reasons. First, the Prophet taught us that it is unlawful for a non-mahram (unrelated) man and a woman to be alone together. This is called khulwah (being in seclusion). He warned that if this happens, Satan will be present with them.

The Prophet said: "Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Devil makes a third" (Al-Bukhari). Now, it is important to note that Allah never prohibits something unless it is harmful to us. Let us examine for a moment the harm in this.

First, most sexual abuse is not committed by strangers. In fact, according to the U.S. Department of Justice, 68 percent of young girls who were raped knew their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend, or casual acquaintance, and 60 percent of rapes of young women occur in their own home or a friend or relative's home — not in a dark alley.

So overwhelmingly, it is those people who you are out on a 'date' with that commit these crimes. Also, as dating has become more widespread in a society, so has unwanted pregnancy, as well as sexually transmitted diseases. By prohibiting dating, Allah, in His infinite wisdom, is protecting us.

Also, as you know even consensual extra-marital intercourse is a grave sin in Islam. But Allah did not just tell us: "Do not commit extra-marital intercourse." He says in the Quran:

"Do not come close to illegitimate sexual intercourse for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils)." (Al-Israa' 17:32)

One does not leave their infant to play on a highway and hope they will not get hit by a car. One important Islamic principle is: prevention before cure. You do not come close to fire, and then wonder why you got burned.

Therefore, Allah has prohibited anything that may lead to illegitimate sexual intercourse, namely being in seclusion. Now if just being in seclusion is prohibited, what can be said about physical contact and the whole institution of dating?

In support of dating, some argue that it is needed in order to find a spouse. The irony in this is that dating does not increase marital success. In fact, the United States is a culture where dating is the norm. However, 50 percent of first marriages, 67 percent of second and 74 percent of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology.

And according to a study by the National Bureau of Economic Research, couples who lived together before marrying have nearly an 80 percent higher divorce rate than those who did not. So if dating is putting you at a higher risk of sexual abuse, sexually transmitted disease, and unwanted pregnancy, and it makes you no more likely to find a successful marriage partner — but in fact less likely — what logical person would chose this option, even if it were not prohibited by Islam?

- Arranged Marriage -

There is also the option of completely arranged marriages. While it is fine for parents or mutual friends to introduce two prospective partners, the Prophet has told us not to go into a marriage blindly.

Once a man came to the Prophet and told him that he was going to get married. The Prophet asked if he had seen the woman. When the man said no, he said: "Go and look at her for it is more likely to engender love between the two of you."(Ahmad)

- Islamic Courting -

Islam provides the balanced solution to courting, which protects the individual and the society, but does not have people enter marriage blindly. If there is a woman you are considering for marriage, you should approach her family. From there, many avenues exist to get to know her better, without having to be in seclusion or engaging in physical contact.

Talking to someone over the phone, through email or the internet, or in the company of a family member, gives you a chance to find out more about them, without crossing the boundaries set by Allah in His infinite wisdom.

The Prophet said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not meet in seclusion with a woman without the presence of a close male relative of her." (Ahmad)

This is the way designed by our Creator, who made everything in the universe, who knows what is hidden and what is open, who knows the future and the past, who knows us better than we could ever know ourselves.

How could we ever think that a better system could exist than the one prescribed by our Maker and the Master of the universe?

I hope this answers your question. Please keep in touch.

Salam.

From: http://www.readingislam.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1225697853626&pagename=IslamOnline-English-AAbout_Islam%2FAskAboutIslamE%2FAskAboutIslamE

l i y a n a*

of emotions and confusion

2009-01-24T21:06:00.001+08:00

i feel happy but at the same time i feel bleagh. is that even possible?

l i y a n a*

to strengthen the faith

2009-01-24T00:11:00.004+08:00

23rd jan witness my emotional suicide early in the weee hours of the morning. but heck, i got back on my toes and running by dawn. alhamdulillah. i have passed the ferst stage of being not dependant on people to listen and entertain me in the early hours of the morning when they acerli deserve to sleep. congratz liyana! you should throw a party for me man raudah! -_-

being the extrovert that i am, this is a huge achievement lor! i resisted picking up the phone and dialing familiar numbers. i resisted opening up my mouth to vomit out words of emotions. i handled it all on my own in the serenity of the night. alhamdulillah. praises to Allah.

im back up and progressing bit by bit. i had a productive post-dawn moments doing things which i have been postponing. it feels great ~~not sleeping the whole night entertaining my own emotions~~ being up very early in the morning. the fresh air, the wet grass and the best part of my morning was the sunrise!

my last day of sch (hopefully!) was like a typical day in school. downright boring. but oh wells. but by then, i am in already revived and jumping. alhamdulillah.

23rd jan in memory. =))

l i y a n a*

wishing upon a star

2009-01-22T15:24:00.002+08:00

i could tell her from personal experience that when people we love make choices, we don't always unerstand them. but we can go on loving them, just the same. it isn't a matter of comprehension. its forgiveness. - vanishing acts.

l i y a n a*

dear god.

2009-01-20T14:14:00.002+08:00

i am praying that today will be the last UT of my entire life.

l i y a n a*

i'll stand right here.

2009-01-18T17:12:00.002+08:00

asyura's birthday party yesterday was amongst close cousins. a mini gathering. though i had to forgo a plan to sentose with the newly-masih-jakon-NS guys, i had a superb time entertaining kids! mcm child care. i hav nvr been fond of kids that much. but yeah, the kids were entertaining. i think i am biased, i pick the babies who i wanna entertain only. hahaha!

nur qistina asyura. 1st birthday!

danish safan.

hafawati insyirah.

nur syaza syafiqah.

cousins.

l i y a n a*

will pull through this

2009-01-17T01:35:00.002+08:00

although it was said in a casual manner, i could still sense the sadness in that voice. the sadness due to the forced change that happens. the change due to something of a WANT and not a NEED.

it saddens me to see the state. it saddens me to see the tired faces. but i dont think i can do anything for now. i am excited and hyped up for the things future has for me. the things that are in store. i have secured a place in NIE, i am sure of the long term plan that i have. but what worries me is the short term plan.

is there gonna be graduation in 2009 for me? is there gonna be a good posting? no wait, that will depend on the graduation right? what if the graduation doesnt happen? then the long term plan i have will be postponed, or worst, crumbles. surely, i will try my best not to let that happen. but if it does, i have no other plan!

i want to bring back the state that things were before, or maybe, improve it. but surely, the change now is defeinitely not welcoming. i hate it!

i am praying for things to go well.

l i y a n a*

little heros

2008-11-29T23:07:00.002+08:00

God will let it happen when He knows that i can handle it. =))

l i y a n a*

everything you need to know

2008-11-21T22:39:00.002+08:00

alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

thank you Allah for all the strength and peace at heart that You gave me to ace through the interview.

alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

for i know, i was being myself and able to convey things that i really feel for.

alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah.

for now i know, even if i dont get through again this time round, i am satisfied coz i have done to my fullest capability. and if i get rejected, it would just mean that this is not for me. because, this is the best i can give. and i gave it my all.

so if fate has it that this line is not for me, alhamdulillah.

for now, i am as contented as i can ever be.

alhamdulillah.

2 more weeks before the verdict is final.

alhamdulillah.

there is nothing more i can ask for. if i was given the chance to do it once more and change something that i could do, i would not change anything coz i believe this is of my best capability and range.

alhamdulillah.

l i y a n a*

agree to not agree

2008-11-01T23:53:00.003+08:00

love. its present without us having to verbalise it.
love. its present even without us realising it.
love. it lingers on.

anihoos, ader la satu budak ni. da 20 tahun pon maseh bleh kater"lps august. october then baru this month ar november." alamak nyah! lps august is september la hoii!

nevertheless, i had a greattttt 1st novemberrr. sukerrr skali!
november will be a great monthhhhh. with yani coming back adds on to the already-going-to-be great novemeber for me. yeay november!

l i y a n a*

and tomorrow maybe better for you and me

2008-10-31T02:59:00.001+08:00

Sleep away the years, sleep away the pain, wake tomorrow – a girl again.

let go of those insecurities for once.

l i y a n a*

when a movie gives that pinch

2008-10-29T22:58:00.002+08:00

and in the end, im still glad i have friends to turn to, to call up anytime and to comfort me when im down with all the other possible things that affects me emotionally and mentally. and for that, i would like these people to be my friends for life. =))

l i y a n a*

could have been worst than this

2008-10-26T01:15:00.002+08:00

that shocked expression.
that silence i once knew.
that cut that bleeds again.

but heyy, lets get back on track. and keep that conversation in mind. for all that's happening, Allah has His reasons.

l i y a n a*

love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime

2008-10-24T21:29:00.012+08:00

SYAWAL UPDATES!!

this syawal, liyana raye sakan! hahaha. mcm budak kecik. but i like raye many2 coz that is basically reunion and meet-ups. sukerrrr. even if it hurts to walk over 10 hrs in heels, it doesnt matter. hee.

as it has always been with my mom's side of the family, we will raye ramai2 either on the second day or the ferst saturday after that. i dont have pictures of my ferst day of raye coz i was hosting. fuyoo! penat kay.

04-10-08 cousins raye

siblings.

cousins.

babies galore. in the 1st pic, the boy, solihin, is squeezing his way into the car. marsha is heavy and there is not way she is giving way la. when the adults pull her out of that thing, she played dead. lie down on the floor, motionless. this girl is capable! ahahaha.

familyyyy. match the colours and you'd know who belongs to who.

06-10-08 byotch raye

on the way to zoh's place. this zoh, she told us to take bus number *** frm the bustop. bus dier da la lmbt, when it came, we were soo confident to board it. den the apek say "lu mau ge mana? i going interchange." -_- we were suppose to take that bus frm the interchange. from the bustop, its a different bus number. then part nk turun, we have no idea where what. she told az "turon when you see a slope." luckily we didnt go down when we saw the ferst slope!

nurul busok. HAHAHA. =P

azrina. nuwul. zohra. liyana.

out of the gazillion multiply shots.

P.S yani. i thought of you okay! it definitely would have been better with you around. oh wells, next yr okay! after you get that degree!

08-10-08 budaksss raye

guys. whats left of the whole strong clique.

girls. tk tau maner huda.

11-10-08 fatayaats raye

nadia and her susah-nak-pakai-heels. so after a while, she gave up. zee helped her with it. but gambar ni mcm cute!!

too little to speak of how much i loved it.

12-10-08 rp lads raye

siqin. liyana

farhana. liyana.

zakiah. liyana.

salaaawattttiii.

nurul wasnt able to join us coz she had to go out with her family. so it was us 4 jer la. we had too much time at hand. we caught movie after jalan raye. and salawati is such a sala movie la. hee.

thats all i think for now. gema and fityan raye pictures have not been uploaded. no, acerli i dont have yet. its with soo many ppl.i have to go get it!

aniwayyy. last night was such an enlightning night i had. it pieces out the jiggsaw puzzles that i've been having. i was able to put a stop to those emotional thoughts. i was assured of the reason why it had to go that way, definitely not the way i want but definitely it was the answer to my prayer. it made me much sure-er [if there's such word], of what im doing or want to do. i didnt dare coz i wasnt able to convince myself. in turn, how can i convince others kan. but after yesterday's conversation, i know that im not in this alone. there are humans out there who thinks of these things. insyaAllah i'll get through this. i know that there will be challenges and moments where temptation will kick in so hard. but its a matter of will. wahh, this will thing ar, im weak at it. but with friends who share the same sentiment, i am sure i'll get through it.

i am so in need of a hug.

l i y a n a*

we dont need fullstop for everything

2008-10-17T11:47:00.002+08:00

i have been starting my day late. i wanna wake up early and do something productive. i always make such plans before i go to bed. but i keep on failing myself, all the time, over and over again.

i wanna stay awake after subuh and not go back to sleep. there is truckloads of work for me to settle and do. but! again, self-displine is down the drain. i had a human alarm clock at one point of time who will make sure i wake up for subuh and keep my hands moving after that. now its gone. i have to be independent. and that is where it is tough.

but i guess i've got to start somewhere, anywhere.

i want this weekend to be a happy one. coz this weekend is where im ending my syawal and back to serious business after that. stop procrastinating liyana! you've got only 20 days in total before graduation. its only 20! head to it and ignore these external things that's influencing you.

i wanna update on my raye with picturess but den again, im procrastinating. booo!

on another note, i think gestralt theory is soo annoying.

l i y a n a*

it was at that moment in time

2008-10-16T23:01:00.004+08:00

my mom and dad were talking over i dont know what la. so when they ended, my dad suddenly created a mini conversation.

dad: graduation biler?
me: *kan da blg 8432574 kali face* feb.
dad: lps tu tros keje ar.
me: NO WAY! i've got things i wanna do. working is probably one of the last
dad: kerje so you can pay the car ar.
me: its not me who's using it
dad: but you want to be driven ard.
me: and that is the exact reason why i have not booked for my tp re-test.

hahahha. sengaje! i know if i pass, i will probably not be at home at all. god knows where i will be. ader hikmah nyer tu fail tp! hahahaha.

me: why you ask when i graduate?
dad: kerje la so i can relax abit.
me: no way im gonna work straight after a diploma. and besides, we shifted here bcoz i hav plans for uni what. so no wayyy.

aku sengaje kan nk push it. hahaha. but whatever sey. no way im work with only a diploma. but i suppose it the situation calls it, den i wouldnt hav a choice. and when that happens, im gonna be a sad gurl with shattered dreams. bleagh.

dad: abeh tk nk keje nk aper? nk kahwin?
bro: NAK NAK NAK! *cheeky smile*
mom: kau keje dulu kene kumpul duet sbb kau lelaki.
me: aper sey. lelaki ker, girl ker samer aper. gender bias!
mom: dier kene kasi makan isteri ngn anak dier. kau tk payah.
me: aper plak tk payah. kakak tk nk dok rumah sey and be a housewife. no way. skola tinggi beh dok rumah. ader anak, ltk rumah mak jer laa. *smileee*
dad: you got bf already not?

*semua org terdiam and tgk aku*
aper nyer soalan sey ni. my father can be as direct as me at times. a veryy sudden question. my dad will neverrr ask these kinda things, or at least i nvr thought he would. i ignored his question nonetheless.

mom: bapak nak carik kan tu.
me: ah tk per la. terime kasih jer. i dont wanna be match-make.
dad: a girl's wedding ceremony no need to be a big one. buat pat rumah with family ard jer.
me: *drop jaws*
dad: yang penting kebahagiaan rumah tangga.
me: you are soo boringggg.

notice that, i havent even answer his qn and yet he is babblering on.

me: aper nie. nk laen2 kan boy and girl. due2 same la.
dad: ader boyfriend tak ni?

abes ar, part ni da tk bleh lari. my dad is the kind, if the ferst tym you dont ans and and he doesnt ask again, then it probably means its not that impt. but if you dont ans and he ask again, means he really want to know.

my dad is such a kpo! hhahaha.

l i y a n a*

the way its been coping so far

2008-10-14T21:58:00.003+08:00

sometimes we tell the truth bcoz thats all we have.
sometimes we tell the truth bcoz we need to say it ouy loud for us to listen to it ourself.
and sometimes we need to tell the truth bcoz we just cant help ourself.
sometimes we tell the truth bcoz we owe them at least that much.

-Grey's anatomy

l i y a n a*

that amaze me till no end.

2008-10-07T23:07:00.002+08:00

i hate this. sharing the same zodiac sign allows you to somehow predict the person by what he or sch says. and thats mostly because you are able to relate to it. the things you say if you are in their position is the same as those they would say when facing the same situation.

i faced it with yani, alot acerli. i was able to somehow predict her next move and thought. i hope things are still the same. same went for shahneeza years ago.

and today, i knew what this fellow was trying to say but i didnt wanna say anything for i thought i would be different for his case. but darn. i was right. and i hate it alot. yesh, i am pissed. coz the issue of trust comes into play.

one thing you must know is that, cancerians are human who would want things to be the way they want it to be. and they will try veryyy hard to get it to be that way. but if they dont want smth, they will find a way out of it. and so, that excuse or reason, as you call it, is doubt-able.

and for once, if you dont wanna go, tell us right frm the start and not like the night before or smth. that affects what was planned, if you hvnt know that. ah whatever, selamat hari raye to you ar.

l i y a n a*

piled up like junks

2008-10-02T16:27:00.002+08:00

woahh. i was blog hopping and realised that there are acerli alot of acquaintances of mine studying overseas. wahhh. i also want ar! mesti fun having a lil bit of homesick and such ehk!

but then again, not everyone is as fortunate. not every family is the same.

l i y a n a*

and if you believe

2008-09-30T00:02:00.002+08:00

this is veryyyy exhaustinggg. veryyy veryyy veryyy tiring; physically, mentally, emotionally. yesh yesh, those are the phrases seen more than ever in the last few posts. but that is the fact of it. veryyyyy memenatkan.

but it being in the month of Ramadan, i am definitely given that extra help and energy. and soon, Ramadan is leaving, will i have the same energy and strength to persevere? all i can do is pray for help.

today, i dumped my phone somewhere which i duno where. i put it somewhere i wouldnt come across during the day. i diverted my calls to the home number. and that was where i answered my calls today. and now that i, by accident find this phone, there were msges left. alamak. sorry la, mls nk reply ordy. hahaha. i wanna live a day without my hp. but heck, i wasnt able to do so. maybe i shall try again ehk someday.

its tiring entertaining people who dont understand what you say. even after huge amt of humiliation, they still come back. i dont wanna be blunt and sharp. but it has to go do its magic somewhere along this line.

i have been having problems falling aslp for 3 days in a row! and it is the case now. what is wrong with my brain!!

the more things change, the more they stay the same. and sometimes change is good. sometimes change is avid. -Grey's anatomy

l i y a n a*

pretendance has its way around

2008-09-27T20:44:00.002+08:00

i have a superrr long list of things to do. and the only reason why i am here, blogging is because i duno where to start. tooo manyyy.

ramadan is coming to an end wayyyy too fast. i took the opportunity of yesterday's qiyam to reflect on how i had spent my ramadan. the thoughts are personal but there are some depressing moments. but Alhamdulillah im still alive to celebrate this ramadan and made use of it, in one way or another.

now that is only 3 more ramadan days left, it is veryyyy sad. veryyyy sad that the blessed month will be over. the month where things i say, without intending it to be made into prayers are answered. the month where i got hang of alot of things. the month where there was a lil change, which not many will see. the month which i will miss.

my weekend has acerli ended. it started great with an overnight meeting, debateeessss! and it ended with another fulfilling meet. it is only saturday and yet my weekend has ended. because! tml im working! thats why it is no more a weekend. boo! ~~but it will be the last of such.~~

i have to now think of which task i wanan complete ferst. there's seriouslyy alot. i got baking x5 to do. ive got cleaning of my room to do. ive got house deco to do. i have arranging of kuih to do. ive got spring cleaning the whole house to do. ive got to help my mom clear out her orders to do.

sometimes i wonder why im born the ferst child, and the only girl. the responsibility is sure heavy. its like im expected to be like my mom, an all-rounder. but helllo! i hate cleaning.

nyai is raye-ing at my place this yr, therefore, there will be post-raye spring cleaning alsooo. and that also means i have to clean the house [room included], sparkling clean.

im gonnaa throw away alottt of stuffs so to create more space in my rooom.

okay, this is going nowhere. bye.

l i y a n a*

to be the best of it

2008-09-20T14:54:00.000+08:00

i love girl talks with mommmmm. suker skali.

she was sewing and i was suppose to be baking. but i delayed it and slacked in her room talking la. and being me, i cant keep secrets frm my mom wad. so i told me abt _____. she laughed. yesh, my mom does laugh at me.

but thats not really impt. she acerli finally told me her thought and insight of him. well, wasnt easy to accept it la. but hey, its mother's instinct bebeh. and i think i will nvr wanna get married to someone whom my mom doesnt really like. she told me the reasons and all. and boy, was i glad that i now know why it happens. mothers are powerful ppl. more powerful than prime minister i bet.

and now, i have others things to concentrate on! hahaha.

okay, off to bake. i wanna get to NOP tonight coz i wanna see nuwul again! but!! ive got other more impt things. booo!

l i y a n a*

kill the cats

2008-09-20T04:24:00.002+08:00

my family are bunch of nocturnal humans! sumpah. we left home at 12mindnight gitu jto head for johor. so random giler. we cant sleep la acerli i think. it was oni me, mom, dad and my 1st brother. the 2nd one was entasked to jage nyai at home. how more responsible. hahaha. acerli he wanted to sleep coz if not he tk bleh bngn sahur laa!

ntah dari maner ntah idea of going out night to johor came from oso i duno sey. i came home like 11plus. mandi and all ordy, ready to sleep. den my dad just has to say smth! aper lagik. we jumped at the idea la! hahaha.

initial plan was to isi minyak. but hello, waste time aku jer isi minyak oni. haha. so we went pasar borong at 2am in the morning! the ppl there oso nocturnal la! and oh my god, i curse that place la. we were sitting. eating to be precise. then 1 cat jumped onto the seat beside my mom. and i was sitting opposite her. and duh! i had to scream la. the cat was staring straight at me okay! my mom tried to shoo it away, but for all it cared, it stood there. must be waiting fer us to giv food la. but too bad! none for irritating cats! den anotehr one came. by then, my legs were ont eh chair ordy la.

and it seems like they purposely hang ard there! annoying.

oh oh. today was my cat day again sey! when i sat down to breakfast with fana and tina, that area has cat oso! but i got fren ar, tina oso takot! haha. but she not takot2 ar, hers more of geli of furry2 things. but still. irritating cats!

and i cant sleep now coz if i do, confirm tk bangun subuh! ahaha. so i shall find smth to do to fill up the 1 hr that i haveeee!

l i y a n a*

if its keeps going

2008-09-17T15:42:00.002+08:00

it feels nice to stay at home. hahaha. after what seems a month! wahhh. that is terrible. but im left with only hlaf the day left to make full use of. and for that, i will bake! yeah baking!

anw, the intro to psycho class yesterday was crazy. i rushed fer nothing la. the class started at 7.45 and ended 1 hour later. how more cool can that lim get. hahaha. but he is comical! he tells jokes all the way. but he has a problem, he doesnt look at us when he's teaching. he looks at the floor! maybe all of those in the class can pass of as makciks ordy. yesh! my class is 90% makciks! i should have asked my mother along man. but these makciks are those with O lvls, the minimum. and they are working makciks with rankings in their workplace; principals and all.

and this lim cheated my feeling. i tot he could remember all the parts of the brain. as in which part controls what. i was super impressed. then on the way home in the car, one of the makcik told me that there are acerli small writings on the model stating what each part is for. -__________- boringgggg. just when i tot he is veryyy smart.

i am in the midst of thinking if i should continue on working and schooling at the same time. it is veryyyy taxing. as of it, i skipped work today. veryyy tired. mentally. physically. tue and thur is the whole day that i have to exercise my brain cells. and other days i have to use it to work. veryy energy consuming. i will see how it goes till after raye. maybe its puase ehk, thats why a bit tired.

i got manyyyy manyyy things pending on my list of things to do.

Dear Allah, please help this littel girl of yours sail through her challenges in life. Grant her all the strenght that she needs. Make her closer to You and avoid all those things which You disallow. Put her heart at peace. Path her ways towards Mardathillah. Amin.

l i y a n a*

seperti Rasul dan Sahabat

2008-09-16T15:34:00.003+08:00

it is hurting a lil. but i will continue on being strong. listening has always been my forte and i will let that continue on. continue on listening though it is hurting a lil.

for this friendship is a special one. a friendship that cannot be bought or sold. a tie that binds us. a sisterhood that cant be found anywhere else. so here, my ultimate goal is to make you happy.

so listening it shall be.

l i y a n a*

should view it in a different light

2008-09-12T21:18:00.004+08:00

its has been 12 days in the month of ramadan. what have we all achieved thus far? i personally have been on a lil of a rollercoaster ride. but hey, i am still in control bebeh! for in this month, it brings nothing but blessings.

i recently reminded someone "Allah never burdens a soul beyond its means" - Al-baqarah, ayat 286. and now, when i read back the sms-es in my attempt to clear my sent items and inbox, it serves as a reminder for myself! for whatever i feel and facing now will be within my capabilities. for sure, there is a reason why it is all happening. and it would only make me stronger.

and heart matters are not important. there are more important things i have at hand. these issues will go away if i ignore them. so what i have to do is ignore and pretend it is non-existance. denial, yes? but i suppose that is the thing that will make me feel better.

Isn't it very sad to see someone pretending to be happy and all cheery for your attainment? All the wishes and motivating words are covered with layers of indirect sarcasms and remarks. Feeling happy for a person and just making happy for a person is not the same.

chatting with yani is just wohoo! she is coming back in 2 more months! and we are already having plans! we will fulfill nuwul's CRAVING of panjat-ing pokok. we will have a super belated bdae celebration. we will have a chalet so that we can catch up the whole night. i loikeeeee! for now, i still havent fulfilling the desire to meet up wit nuwul!! nuwul darling, we are on the same island mann!

the humans left for batam this evening! so tonight i have nothing to do alrdy la. coz my usual fri night routine is broken. booo! hahaha. im really a routin-based person. so when my routine is broken, im a lil lost!

l i y a n a*

tough vs simple

2008-09-11T10:56:00.002+08:00

it was tough. tough that it is almost a triangle. i didnt make it known coz i was afraid. and the thing i fear is not happening. i didnt make it known coz it was just a small thing. but that small thing now is hurting. but hey, its just a small thing liyana.

get over it and movee. no point pondering anymore.

in the name of friendship

in the name of friendship i will do it. not that we're getting a response for the girl. but hey, you should never interfere you know liyana. no point!

that had me going

l i y a n a*

of ramadan and prayers

2008-09-10T22:59:00.002+08:00

helfi said during debrief fer ryc. "we are all busy. but have anyone of us actually though of looking after our friends' heart. have anyone actually thought how our friends are doing." period. fullstop.

i am now a strong believer of the power of prayers in ramadan. or for that matter, whatever that we utter in this month of ramadan. incident after incident happen, since yesterday. things that i say or thought of, just happens in front of my eyes. it goes both ways la acerli. but as of now, i am contented. maybe this is the most right time to pray for ________________. =)) sukerrr!

in silence, i hav made a decision.

l i y a n a*

all about you

2008-09-09T23:19:00.003+08:00

oh my god. i had choices. this bunch of humans are going to batam over the weekend for a mini retreat frm i duno what. i bet its acerli suppose to be another "lets-cheer-up-___"[names disclosed] trip. he is still not over it, i bet. the last i checked he was okay but obviously had his moments where he kept quiet. that i totally understand why.

and over the weekend also, i have made a promise to go johor with the babes. someone's driving. heehehhehe. jgn dier tertdo while driving sudah. =X

bottom line is, i wanna get both! can one at least compromise and change the date? nyahahha. all fer my sake ehk! fat hope though.

liyana is already bad at making this kinda choices and now she has to decide again on these things. grrrr!

l i y a n a*

even for a while

2008-09-09T22:16:00.002+08:00

diagnostic imaging rocks my socks! it is one of the best things i had today. i had a few suprises and random-ness in my day. and of coz, a few moments where i wish you were there.

the faci is sooo cool. he major in examinig the dead thru x-ray. interesting field. though the ferst lesson is overwhelming with terms and words that i have to memorise, it was veryyy interesting. and this module has weekly practicals. i loikeeee. every week we will be in the x-ray lab. powerrr. there's this machine known as phantom. this machine is like the best technology. hahaha.

oh, one story that this nicholad told us abt his experince was with this china woman. you see, when you are taking a picture of x-ray, you are not allowed to move a single inch. this would also mean, you are to hold your breath for that few sec or so. and he told this woman "hold you breath." but when the x-ray came out, it was an image of the woman holding her breast! AHHAHAHA.

but we have to admit it la, the words sounds alike. but logic will tell you what to do. so hilarious that it took the class more time to laugh than to listen to me presenting [exxaggeratinggggg laaa!]

me and nina did alot of random things together today. sumpah! we were SUPPOSE to iftar at masjid. but on the way there, this guy approached us. he gave us free movie ticket to watch kallang roar! and he assured us that it ends before 7pm! so aper lagik, free mahh. so we grab and go. but we got cheated la. it didnt end before 7pm. luckily we had mooncake! i loveee! ahhaha.

the movie was okay la. not too bad for local film. a simple movie yet it makes you see how ppl canbe soo patriotic. i'll giv it 3 out of 5 popcorns! ahahha.

and there are a few more random things la. for i shall mark 9th of sept 2008 as my most random day thus far.

i ammmmm werkingggg tmllllll. i ammmmm excitedddd forrrr thursdayyyyy. i loveeeeee!

l i y a n a*

__||MeMoRiEs ThAt WiLL laSt FoReVeR||__

stand up with you forever

kerna aku tak seperti dulu.

to never let it be

idiotic brother

is ramadan a survival or revival?

mungkin kah

now thats not the issue

lets go!

this time i am

of reminders and upliftments

of endless possibilities

untuk selamanya

and many more to come

bagai di awan

the beginner's luck

things will fall into place.

now or it never shall be.

whats more impt than this?

things will get better, insyaAllah

my sister's keeper by jodi picoult

will take things on a positive note

hey ho

fragile glass pieces

kaulah bintang hati

for everything's gonna be alright

for a peace of mind and heart

get it my way

trying to understand

for time is precious

masked front liners

the call for help

the little spoiler

reminders that matters

is this really for me?

for the day and night

yet again

for some who learn the hard way

through sickness and through health

berpisah hanya seketika

there isnt much left

di dalam suka dan duka

to let it be

of reminders and consistency

what you say you are

tetap ku sayangi

the darkness which you will nvr know

i will nvr trade this for anything else. <3

coz i let myself be

let's face it together

for it is something out of love

for love and mardhatillah

if...

and it's decided

of cats and dogs

when the ends meet

of annoyance and irritants

when a hero comes along

there's it goes

without a day

with His graciousness

because tonight will be the night.

back to zero

on top of the world, the whole wide world

dates as reminders

let it tick

of reflections and thoughts

in search of the light at the end of the tunnel

the confusing thing

you are as weird as you can get

it will be fine with me

praying upon the littlest hope.

of emotions and confusion

to strengthen the faith

wishing upon a star

dear god.

i'll stand right here.

will pull through this

little heros

everything you need to know

||MeMoRiEs ThAt WiLL laSt FoReVeR||